dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
