Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
