508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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