For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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