omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize