Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
