someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
