Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
