South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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