Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
