How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have aggressive nipples.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
