Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
