i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
