he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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