I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize