ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Randomize
