So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
