all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
