I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
