I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I will pee on everything he values.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
