nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
