I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize