time to smoke my breakfast
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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