i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
