she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
