guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
