paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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