help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
