dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
