I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
