So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
