It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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