Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
