I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you had me at cake vodka
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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