Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
