No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
