I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
FUCK WHALES
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
