If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
