therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
