Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
