8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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