there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
