I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
