I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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