census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
