Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
