there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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