Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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