dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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