I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
