Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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