We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
