i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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