I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
