Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
