S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
