k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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