Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She said her name was "party"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize