I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
