Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
