u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
