My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
