it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
