eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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