theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
