I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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