Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
