Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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